Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
