I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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