If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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