Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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