hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
