Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
