It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
