Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
