Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
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I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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