this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
