Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
