I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
