Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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