My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
