Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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