brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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