i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't deserve a penis
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
