True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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