If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
