The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
