No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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