my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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