OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
