They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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