I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
