Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
