Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and she was petting her beer can
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
