Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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