dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
