dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
