Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
