end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
