Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
