Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
