Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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