I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
