If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
