You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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