The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
