You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
