so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
