i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
