I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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