She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
