Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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