i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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