Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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