Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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