I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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