Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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