Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
