She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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