my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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