Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize