She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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