Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize