You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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