In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize