I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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