I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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