dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
