take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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