I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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