Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
