She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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