My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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