Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
